True Friends Illustration

Friends! Hmmm . . . where to begin?

It's a topic that's very much on my mind these days.

As time goes by, I've become increasingly aware of the value of friendship. And yet each year that passes, the number of people I would call real, true friends gets smaller and smaller.

Some of my good friends have died; frankly, more than I would have expected at our age, especially as we keep hearing on the media that we're all living longer.

Others, from places I used to live and who were maybe not the closest of friends, have allowed the physical distance between our homes to finally let go of an increasingly meaningless 'friendship'. And then there are some who have been unable to understand, let alone support, the fact that I have finally set out in pursuit of the career I always wanted, at the point when most of my contemporaries are winding down into retirement. Sadly, another parting of the ways.

And it isn't easy to make new friends later in life when we can no longer make friends whilst waiting for our offspring at the school gate. And those of us who have retired or work at home no longer have the opportunity to turn work colleagues into friends.

I'm sure they serve a very useful function for some but I for one am not quite ready for the likes of Lunch Clubs for Seniors in the Community Centre! 

But I've come to realise that I'm one of the luckier ones!  I do have a few 'best buddies', true friends who, although they live hundreds of miles away, also live in my heart!

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But loneliness and social isolation is rife amongst older people. 
The replacement of the extended family by the 'nuclear' model has played a large part in that. Times change, sometimes, but not always, for the better.

One day my son commented that there are a lot of 'old people' in Abergavenny! I hadn't noticed it but once he mentioned it, I started to realise how right he was. As I cross the park on my way to the shops, I often overtake older people, out for their daily breath of fresh air. Normally I'm in such a hurry that I bowl past them at a rate of knots. 

But if I can spare the time, I've begun stopping for a chat and I'm finding that it's very much appreciated.

It's easy to get into conversation, surrounded as we are by the beautiful trees in the park as well as the mountains, there's always something to talk about. And of course, we Brits are always ready to talk about the weather! It means I have to walk much more slowly than usual but I think it's worth it to see how pleased people are to have someone to chat with, even if it's only for five minutes or so.

I'm not pretending that these brief, chance encounters are a replacement for a lasting friendship - our paths may never cross again. But they are better than nothing, by a long way!

When I'm busy working, I can go for several days without speaking to anyone. As an introvert with work that I enjoy, that doesn't bother me too much. I also have family who are at the other end of a phone/email/text message - and of course, I have friends online!

Some of the older people I meet on my way to the shops have nobody to talk to and very little to fill their days. But they do love to talk about their family or their former job or career, if only there's someone to really listen!

So please, if you possibly can, spare a little time for the older generation - you might find it more rewarding than you ever imagined!

Morning Glory Illustrated Quotation

Although I'm quite wary of a lot of the 'positive thinking' quotes that circulate on the social media, I think I am a generally a persistently optimistic person, which is not quite the same thing.

So I try to choose quotations to illustrate that convey a mood of optimism, as I hope this one does. I like the fact that it says 'some of Life's beautiful things . . .' - hinting at a possibility rather than claiming to know for a fact.

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high resolution image if you wish - or just 'pin' it!

Apart from being a quote from a book called 'Morning Glory', I felt this one was a very appropriate quotation for such a brilliantly coloured flower that can brighten up a dark corner of a garden, well into the autumn when the shade lingers longer. 

That's exactly how I think of Morning Glory flowers. 

I've only once succeeded in growing them; mine always seem to succumb to either the slugs or the frost, or possibly both. And that's why they gave me a lovely surprise the year when they did survive, blooming so brilliantly in a dark corner of my garden, well into September, after I'd given up hope of seeing them and forgotten I'd even planted them!

So this is for anyone who ever experiences 'dark moments' -

and I expect that includes almost everyone!

Are you a Shrinking Violet?

The Violet is one of the Birth Month Flowers for February.

Poems about violets often refer to them as blooming in April and Yardley even have a range by the name of "April Violets". I shall keep a close eye on my front garden this year and notice when the violets start to bloom. 

What is the word that we most often hear in connection with violets? 

There’s the African Violet, the Dog Violet and the Parma Violet – the one that is sometimes used in confectionery and cake decoration - 

And of course there’s the ‘Shrinking Violet’.

Not because it can literally shrink – though when exposed to too much sun, it may shrivel up and die.

‘Shrinking’ in this case is another way of expressing modesty, humility or even shyness, human traits that have often been associated with violets because of their habit of hiding away in woodlands, close to the ground and often hidden by leaves.

Violet motif for the
repeating pattern.

Poems suggesting these qualities in the pretty little wild wood violets abound! Here's a selection.

While modesty and humility are surely positive qualities, shyness isn’t necessarily a good thing. It has been suggested that shyness is the result of too much preoccupation with oneself and how one appears to the rest of the world. And it can certainly hold us back from becoming all that we’re capable of becoming.

I’ve been a ‘Shrinking Violet’ in my time – until a very wise elderly relative pointed out to me that my ‘walking small in order that others may walk tall’ was not serving any good purpose!

But when I was looking up quotes about violets I came across one that stood out from the rest and I think it’s my favourite. It doesn’t deny that violets are not particularly showy; they don’t grab our attention like the daffodils and tulips that flower around the same time.

But they are tenacious! And there's power in that tenacity – as I discovered when I first dug over the ground beneath my Magnolia tree. 

'Tile' for the
repeating pattern.

When I moved into my house, there was grass beneath the tree but it wasn’t a pretty sight. It didn’t get enough light and it was impossible to mow because of the roots of the tree, even though I bought a strimmer especially for the purpose. Hence my decision to dig it all up and make a wild, woodland area of my front garden.

As I dug out the grass and the dandelions, I began to see the violets hiding closer to the ground. I was planning to scatter wild flower seeds in the soil so I dug out the violets as well – with some difficulty because of their long, enormously strong roots! 

But now, ten years later, the ground is covered in violets again! 

So whenever I have time in the autumn, I plant daffodils and irises around the tree, removing just a few of the violets to make room for them. As the tree has grown over the years, it has become harder and harder for anything else to grow beneath it – except for the violets! 

So maybe the violets are telling us something, especially those of us who are introverts by nature. Perhaps their lesson is that we don’t need to put on a show, to draw attention to ourselves in order to be purposeful. 

As the quotation suggests – and as I discovered in my front garden! – tenacity and modesty, strength and humility can happily rub along together!

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 this 300 dpi image (for your personal use only).

PS I recently discovered that the Violet is associated with Mother's Day.

Originally known as Mothering Sunday, it fell on the fourth Sunday in Lent and in the 16th Century, it was the occasion for everyone to visit their 'Mother Church', ie their nearest large church of cathedral, for a special 'Mothering Sunday' service.

Later, the idea of honoring all mothers on that same date meant that domestic servants were given a rare day-off to visit their mother church or, more often, to go home to visit their mothers, whom they probably hadn't seen for months or even as long ago as the previous Mothering Sunday. The servants would gather a posy of wild flowers along the way and the most prevalent wild flower at that time of year was, yes, you've guessed it - the violet!

This year, Mothering Sunday (or Mother's Day) falls on Sunday, 30th March in the UK.

Violets, Pretty Mother's Day Greeting Card by poshandpainterly
 

There are plenty of Mother's Day greeting cards and gifts to choose from in my Zazzle stores but here's a link to the cards that feature the Violets.

  

Pretty Violets Wrapping Paper to Customize by poshandpainterly
   

Snowdrop Quotation to Inspire You

I love this quotation by 20th century American author, Anais Nin!

It fits so well with my belief that flowers, plants and anything that grows make the clearest metaphors for life and ‘what it’s all about’. 

I’ve never read any of Nin’s work so I don't know what sort of ‘blossoming’ she may be referring to. But that doesn't matter; there are innumerable ways in which we can all blossom – or alternatively, remain, painfully, tight in the bud!

Buskers take a very public risk!

So often fear prevents us taking the plunge, raising our heads above the parapet or however you choose to describe that moment when we show the world what we, uniquely, have to offer. 

For some of us it may be our upbringing that has held us back from being all that we know, deep down inside, that we are capable of being; or maybe it was something in our experiences at school. Or maybe we tried once before but met with failure or even ridicule.



But there comes a tipping point, when, as the quotation says, it becomes more painful to hold back than to take the risk. It has happened to me and I’m sure it will have happened to many others. Some will have been lucky enough to receive all the encouragement they needed. But even then, there were probably moments of self-doubt to overcome – few of us are totally self-confident.

Young busker in Abergavenny

Some will take the risk at an early age and live lives that are comfortably aligned with their true selves and their talents. Others, like me, take longer to be convinced that it’s worth the risk. We try all sorts of other things first, trying to avoid that fateful step from which there’s no going back, that blossoming, that ‘unfolding of our petals’. 

But it's never too late, as George Eliot wrote, to be what you might have been!

Are you one of those ‘on the brink’? Or do you know someone in that position, a friend or a relative you wish would just embrace their talents and, like the plucky little snowdrop, start to show the world what and who they truly are? 

The snowdrop doesn’t hold back from bringing beauty into our world and hope into our hearts, in spite of the worst that the winter weather can muster. 

So why do we?

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if it will inspire you or someone you know!

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